snot

Have you ever wonder how your nose can make so much snot?  I am going through that now.  I know where it comes from and I know where it goes....to my brain.  It is pressing in on my brain cells and making it hard to concentrate.  I wish I had one of those baby snot sucker things I've seen parents with.  Maybe that would help.

With all this snot in my head, it has slowed down the thinking process. I was standing at the Speedway this morning pumping gas when the Speedway TV said that they found female DNA on the pressure cooker the Boston Bomber used.  They are trying to figure out where it came from....maybe his wife.  Something about that statement struck me as odd when I heard it...but with snot brain I had to let it swim around in my head until I figured it out.  Ok, so did she notice that the pressure cooker was missing when went to cook the pot roast the week before the bombing?  Did she notice that when she went to cook the pot roast in the pressure cooker she suddenly had 6 cookers in the cabinet?  These are the thoughts that snot brain will cause.

What was odd about the story finally hit me....how does one get DNA on a pressure cooker?  I've seen pressure cookers being used by my mom and Vicki.  I don't remember body fluids being involved. I'm stumped how DNA would have gotten there. The logical explanation is that the person cut themselves, but on what?  Maybe the objects they packed in the pot?  I don't have a lot of experience with pressure cookers.  I won't go in the kitchen when one is being used.  I have my mother to thank for that.... When I was a child and my mother was using her pressure cooker and I went near it she use to say "DON"T TOUCH IT. IT COULD EXPLODE."  Oh the scars that are left when you are raised by Safety Sally. 

I'm going to figure the DNA thing out. The good thing is that chewing on this problem has decreased my snot brain.  

6 long months

Ok, so it's been six long months since my last post.  My co-worker said to me..."hey, I added a bookmark for your blog.  Now your not writing anything."  That is when I realized that I hadn't written anything in a long time. 

It has been a fast paced exhausting ride that I'd like to stop for a while.  Vic is getting ready to leave for Australia for almost a month and I'm going to be home with the dog.  We will be fine but we miss when she isn't there. 

Winter was uneventful.  Spending time with mom and dad.  Trying to keep up with chores.  Going to work and back home every day. 

I made a decision on my birthday (last week) that I was going to get back to doing the things I love.  Writing, playing banjo, and taking pictures....

So here we go....

I've picked a few spots for pictures, written a few words, now I have to dust off the banjo and get back into taking lessons.

Wish me luck
e

Freeway Fun

The other day it was very foggy here in Michigan.  I think the weatherman called it "pea soup."  I was driving to work and I passed an electronic road sign that said "Fog Advisory." My first response was "no shit Sherlock!"  But then I said to myself "wouldn't it be great to have control of the electronic road signs and video cameras?"  The fun I could have with that kind of power.  I would use the video camera to see what people were doing in their car and then change the next electronic sign they would see.  I would do something like "HEY! You in the blue Lexus.  Quit picking your nose."  How about the lady singing at the top of her lungs?  I could write "HEY! Lady in the red Ford Focus.  Your agent called, the tour is cancelled."
I had a friend that was breastfeeding and she said she would drive down the freeway using her breast pump because it had a car charger and it saved time.  I think I would write on her electronic sign "HEY! You in the Jetta. You sprung a leak!"  I think that riddles would be great too.  You pass the question on the first electronic sign and the next electronic sign has the answer.  What about news, sports scores or celebrity gossip.  How weird would it be if you were Justin Bieber and driving down the 405 in California and see your name there and that you were just admitted to rehab. 

For some naughty holiday fun, on the way to your friends or family's home for Thanksgiving, look around at the people driving around you and what would you write on their sign? 

Is it ever too early in the morning for an MRI?

For the last 4 months I've been struggling with knee issues.  Both of my knees are swelling and "giving way."  This may be my arthritis or it may be my Fibromyalgia or I could have injured them during my last Triathlon.   ;-)  OK, I have to be honest, my last Triathlon was a month ago which consisted of me sitting on the couch, switching from football to baseball playoffs to the presidential debate as rapidly as possible.

My knee problems led to a lot of changes in my life.  First, because I was stumbling when my knee gave out, Vicki bought me a cane. I named it Louis for the Louisville Slugger in honor of my love of baseball.  Next change, I had to learn to take it with me when I left the house, including taking out the garbage.  This lesson was best learned at 5:30am one morning when I drove the trash to the end of our long driveway and fell while putting it at the curb.  I was on the ground, butt up in the air, trying to push myself up by grabbing a hold of the recycle bucket.  All I could think was, "don't let anyone see me down here" and "great, Vicki is going to say 'I told you to take Louis with you.'"  No one saw me but Vicki did have an "I told you so" for me.   The next change was the handicap tag that now hangs from my rear view mirror.  This will come in handy for Christmas shopping.  Lastly, I had to make time in my life for multiple doctors appointments. Not an easy thing to do right now.

So Is it ever too early for an MRI? I was up at 4:45am this morning to get ready for my appointment and work.  I'm staying at mom's for a few days so it was an hour to the MRI lab and I had to be there by 6:30am.  Let me explain one thing to you....Yesterday started deer hunting season in Michigan.  This means people with guns are in the woods looking for deer.  Understandably, this frightens the deer and they tend to run out in the road. I suspect screaming for help and flagging down cars for a ride.  Therefore, we have to drive a little slower on the country roads. As a result, you have to leave earlier and drink plenty of coffee to stay alert.

Once I arrived at the "U" (snobbish nickname for the University of Michigan), I only had to wait a few minutes for the doors to open at 6:30am.  It was clear I was going to be the first patient of the day.  This is a good thing....which I will explain why in a minute.  I completed the paperwork and signed off that I don't have any metal in my body.  I also signed off on paperwork stating "if you have metal in your body and don't disclose it and it comes shooting out at a high rate of speed the "U" is not responsible for injury or damages."  I know, comforting isn't it?

I'm siting in the lobby listening to another patient explain to the person behind the counter that he didn't need to fill out the "Knee Survey" because he is having the MRI on his hip.  She then proceeded to debate this fact with him.  I wanted to say to him "drop your pants and show her where it hurts, maybe then she would believe you."  But I restrained myself.

The MRI technician came out and calls my name.  I'm relieved that it isn't MRI Hip Girl from behind the counter.  We walk back to the dressing area and she puts me in a small room with a locker and tells me the only clothing I have to remove is my jeans.  She takes down a pair of scrub pants, size large, and tells me to put them on.  I tell her that they will not fit and ask if there is a larger size.  The tech says "yes, take two gowns and tie one around the front of your waist and one around the back of your waist. When you are ready, open the door and I'll take you to the machine."  When I walked out of the room, I looked like I was ready to perform in the musical South Pacific.  I almost broke out in a chorus of "Bali Hai."  I said to the tech, this is a joke right?  She said "what is?"  I said "this fashion style brought to you by Wright and Phillips."  She laughed and said you are lucky it is so early, otherwise, you would be sitting in the "holding area" with everyone else wearing that outfit.  I asked if this happens a lot and she said "everyday."  I said "why don't you request larger scrubs?"  The tech said "because it wouldn't be as much fun." So no, it is never too early for an MRI. 

 

Busy and Busy and more Busy!

I haven't written anything for over a month now.  Time keeps speeding up and I keep slowing down.  It was a bad combination.  I'm not going to take any time out to address yesterdays election because I'm so tired of the topic that I can't stand it.  I've started to have an allergic reaction to the political signs that are everywhere. Now that the political ads are over, the media can focus on the more important topics, Christmas Ads. Remember, every child needs an electronic stretch armstrong transformer with spider man web making capabilities. 

Thank you to the Wixom Police Department for finally catching the I-96 freeway shooter.  It's nice to not have to worry about driving to work and getting shot at by some attention seeking gun toting dude in a dark Chevy. 

The ex Detroit Mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick's, federal corruption trial continues.  His buddy and co-defendant, Victor Mercado, rolled over yesterday and took a deal the feds were offering.  Oh, why do I think he is going to sing like the jail bird he is about to become. Orange jump suits are in fashion these days ;-) This story is better than a Lifetime Movie of the week. I know I shouldn't take such joy in someones misfortune but I can't help myself when it comes to KK.

Beulah continues to do well with her training and her need to get a bladder infection at the most inconvenient time.  But is she ever cute.  I went a couple of weeks ago to pick her up from doggie day care.  Yes, she goes to doggie day care once a week, now shut up about it.  Anyway, I arrived at the same time as several moms and dads and waited my turn in the lobby for the staff to bring out B. Standing there I realized that we act and talk to our dogs the same way parents do with their kids when picking them up from day care.  One guy asked the staff if his dog was good and the staff said he played well with a Rotty (Rotweiler) named Roscoe and he bent down and said "good boy, did you have a good day with Roscoe?" The dog wagged it's nub of a tail and off they went to their car.  The next lady takes her dog from the handler and asks the dog "how was your day?  Ready to go home and see daddy?"  Lastly it was my turn and I found myself waiting with great anticipation for B to come out.  She ran out to me, covered in mud, rolled over for a belly rub and looked so happy.  I couldn't help myself, I said "Hey little bit!  How was your day?  Did you play with your boyfriend Ben?  Lets go get in the car, it's almost kibble time."  After checking with the staff that she was a good girl, we walked out the door and jumped into the car.  B was asleep in her car seat in a matter of minutes.  She had had a great day at day care. I know pethedic. 

Petty Crime and other fine things

Finally the cold has been past on to some unsuspecting person and I’m feeling better.  It was worth it, I learned how to spell phlegm.  Who knew it had a G?  Then again, I’m not known for my spelling. In 7^th grade we were asked to read aloud.  When it was my turn, I came to the  word “determine.”  Unfortunately I said Dee-Ter-Mine.  The class broke up in laughter.  With only a minor scar, the incident passed and life went on. Until a few years ago I went to my 20 year class reunion.  An old friend I hadn't seen in years walked up to me and said “do you remember Dee-Ter-Mine?” My God, it was a human elephant right there at my 20 year reunion.   

Today’s installment of crime doesn’t pay comes from I-696 in Farmington Hills Michigan.  On Saturday we were heading down the freeway and saw flashing lights up ahead.  The individuals that are court ordered for community service were on the side of the freeway picking up trash.  A police SUV was behind them and a road commission flat bed truck was in front.  On top of the flat bed was a porta potty. If the trash pickers have to use the bathroom, they have to get up on the back of the truck and go into the porta potty and do their business for all of I-696 to see. You know people honk when the person goes in or out of that john.  I would.  Even petty crime doesn’t pay.

Tonight is the first political debate and the last Tiger game of the season.  It is a hard choice but I'm going with the one that is least likely to cause me to stick a fork in my eye... The Tigers! I would like to see a debate in the format of Dancing with the Stars.  Obama goes out and shows his moves and the crowd cheers/boos and judges give him scores.  Then Romney does the same.   Then the people get to call in and vote on their performance. Much more interesting than anything Jim Lehrer has planned.    

It has been a long week....

Nothing like starting out the week with a bad cold that gets worse and worse.  I know I said I would spare you the gross details and I will...except for this observation:  The older I get and the harder I sneeze or cough, the quicker I have to run to the bathroom. I'm just saying......

When you have a cold, people feel the need to share their most recent cold experience with you.  One person told me about her colds during the last 12 months, including the color of her phlegm. She was very proud.  Another person pointed out that, due to her recent cold, she had decided to dress as "Mucus" for Halloween. My blank stare clearly indicated my confusion and she explained that "Mucus" is a character in the Musinex commercials.  Forgive me for not following.

On Monday afternoon, I gave into peer pressure and left work at 3:00pm.  I stayed home for 2 days in a medicated stooper.  Subjected myself to hours of political ads, crime stories and news.  I think I like the news stories about people that get caught doing stupid stuff. Like the robber that crashed his car trying to get away. He was still able to drive his wrecked car. At some point on his journey to the "hideout" he realized his license place fell off so he went back to the crime scene (swarming with cops) to retrieve it.  "Uhhh, excuse me officer, have you, uhhh, seen a license plate laying around here?  Uhh, yeah that's it. Thanks." Go to Jail, do not collect $200.  Last night they stopped a drunk guy in Royal Oak wearing nothing but his t-shirt.  Can't really remember a time when I was that drunk that I got naked in public...well, never mind.  Anyway, I heard Randy Travis' name mentioned the other day.  I feel sorry for this guy.  Twice now, he has gotten drunk as a skunk and naked as a jay bird and headed down to a gas station.  He walks in and demands cigarettes.  Unfortunately his birthday suit didn't have any pockets.  Here comes the cops. Or the dude that thought he should jump on the back of the alligator that wondered out of the canal in his neighborhood and try to tie a rope around it.  Alligator 1.  Dumb guy 0. 

So to make my healing speed up, I headed to the chiropractor on Wednesday for an adjustment.  All went well and I no longer felt like a human phlegm ball. Sorry for the visual.  Heading back from Ferndale, I detoured through my old neighborhood in Redford.  I lived there for 12 years.  It was nice to see the house.  It hadn't changed much.  However, the "Clampets" have moved out of the house next door.  It appeared a nice new family had moved in.  I miss the Clampets at times.  A 1000 square foot three bedroom ranch with 2 parents, 5 kids, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 4 cousins, 1 aunt and weekly visits by the local cops.  It was like living next to reality TV.  Three favorite memories:

A.  Drove home one day, pulled into my driveway to find that the Clampet kids had taken chalk and drew all over it.  I didn't mind that.  I did mind that they had staged a crime scene and it looked like cops had drawn outlines of dead bodies, guns, bullet casings and they put yellow ribbon up along the property line. 

B.  One day I was looking out the front window at the 4 year old Clampet that walked around talking to herself and petting imaginary animals.  She is very creative I suspect.  Anyway, she walks in front of my house, pulls down her pants and squats on the sidewalk and urinates.  I opened the door and yelled, "hey kid, pee on your own sidewalk for once!"

C.  After work one day I arrived home to find 4 police cars in front of the Clampets and my home.  Mrs. Clampet is outside screaming "My Baby. Someone has my Baby."  Police are knocking on doors, looking in homes.  I open my garage for the officer and he looks around and leaves.  I go into the house and change into warmer clothes because I was going to help look.  I head outside to ask Cousin Clampet what is going on and he says "Angie's missing."  I said which one is Angie and he says the 4 year old that talks to herself. (AKA the urinator).  I grab my flashlight, like I know what I'm doing, and head outside. Suddenly I hear the Sargent yell "Open the *(&^% garage door."  Mrs. Clampet runs into the house and pushes the remote.  All of a sudden the Sargent walks out of the garage with Angie, the urinator.  Mrs. Clampet starts yelling "My Baby My Baby."  The Sargent walks up to Mrs. Clampet and says "What in the hell was she doing in the garage?"  With a straight face Mrs. Clampet says "I must of forgot she was sleeping in the car." Sargent turned around, looked at me, Cousin Clampet and the other neighbors and walked away.

Star bright. Star light. I wonder where the Clampets are tonight.